Here Am I All of me, take my life its all for Thee.

Wednesday, July 13th.

Yesterday I was stuck in a difficult situation. I still am. I have to explain to a girl, who is adopted that she is worth the love God has for her. While not losing the truth that we do not deserve grace. And I must tread lightly because she does not believe anyone could ever love her..How do I go about doing that?

And I might have an incident worthy of Camp director intervention. Its one of those situations you hear about in staff training but write off as one of those "never happened here" things. I desperatly want to believe this girl, but part of me..is having a hard time believing it. Guidance please?!

And on top of all of this, I have my own personal problems and struggles. I have serious attachment issues. Something I need to work on..I honestly have no idea whats going on..

Dear God,

I am in awe of you. Trying to explain you to K hard. Nearly impossible.

So much for having all the answers.

Your love is unmeasurable, why do I deserve it? I dont. So how can I convey that message to her?

How can I explain to a girl who has never ever known true love in her life,

that You love her? Especially when I dont understand.

Thank you. For everything you have so graciously given to me.

Without fail, you are here for me. Even when Im all alone.

Help me to put aside the distractions that have been clouding my vision. To live, solely for you.

This life is not my own.

Dont not let my personality get in the way of my pouring out into these children. I need your wisdom. This is not a game for me.

I miss my life back home, like alot. But I absolutly love the solidarity here, how close I feel to you.

Things with Mikey havent changed yet. But I would like to forgive him. To rebuild a broken bridge. I cannot do that without your help though, he really hurt me. But I know that you really healed me and so I pray I can be a testimony to him. I really do love him. Maybe one day, everything will be ok again.

Amen. 

Here Am I All of me, take my life its all for Thee.

Tuesday, July 12th.

First full day of Junior camp. I'm a CA this week, so I will be physically, mentally and emotionally streched. So far, having a killer sunburn and a high-energy camper does not mix. I am also working with a former JCL partner, who bonding with has been challenging, bonding with everyone has really.

Last night, I shared my testimony with the girls, I never thought mine was important. I mean, its not like I was addicted to drugs or something and completly turned away, I was 7..I was good, nothing drastic happened. But sharing my testimony was harder than I thought it would be. All of the bitterness and hardship I went through at one time, all of the wrong I had done. The opportunites I missed. I think about the life I could be living right now if I had embraced the grace of God so much earlier than now.

Dear God,

My heart is hurting. As my life starts, help me to trust and obey you beyond question.

If my life is just for me then it is no life at all. Thank you for breaking me. For showing me there is no one but You.

Give me strength this week to pour out and OVERFLOWinto these girls. Help me to love like You do, to see with Your eyes.

Show me if my decisions are right.

I know nothing, I have no one.

Amen <3

Here Am I All of me, take my life its all for Thee.

Thursday, July 7th

Camp week one is over. This afternoon the campers will go home. Keeping a clear focus was very hard for me to do this week, but as Phillipians 4:13 says " I can do all things through CHRIST who strengthens me.."

He really did that this week, gave me strength. And when I trusted Him, it was a good day.Last night, I gave my devotions over Phillipians 4:6-7. I told the ladieshow Satan uses worry as a tool for seperation between us and God. And I see that evident in my life. I also told them how prayer is a tool we can use to combat worry, if we truly believe that God listens and CARES then there should be no reason to worry.

Dear God,

Trusting in You is hard. Believing that there is someone out there who has already planned out my life is scary. The scariest part is that I have no control.

I pray that you continue to remind me nicely :) that you are the One with all the power and that the glory belongs to You, not me. I do not want worry to displace You at the center of my life. Help me to focus going into next week, helpme to live out the Fruits of the Spirit that we are teaching here at camp. To be joyful, peaceful, loving and kind.

To live this life for You and not for me.

Amen <3

Here Am I All of me, take my life its all for Thee.

                                                                                                                   Wednesday, July 6th

Well, its Wednesday. Tomorrow campers go home. It doesnt feel like this is my first week, I feel like I've been here forever. I'm so glad God has been comforting me this week. Sunday night I thought I'd never make it here. But thats just how powerful He is. He bhas taken me from darkness and brought me to light, given me peace. Sometimes fighting God's plan comes naturally to me but I know I cannot do it on my own, nor do I really feel like trying, Tommy spoke last night in chapel to the campers about loving their friends  enemies. How often do I do that? Never. Why? Because its waay easier to resent and hate and be angry. But what if thats not the life I want to live?

Dear God,

Help me today to forgive and forget. To let go and to Love.

Love those who I hate. Who once loved me but no longer do.

I cannot do this alone.

Amen <3