My life as a Teenage Robot..

Jerimiah 29:11 <3

Over the last few days I have fallen into the routine of a teenage robot, of a regular teen.  Which I am not.

I have so much to look forward to, so much to do.

And I know this, very well infact but lately, Ive become wrapped up in boys.

I know I know, youre thinking "What a typical teenage girl."

And I would have to agree..My life has veered away from my relationship with God, my future, my education, my extra curiculars and my happiness'And it has become about boys,dating,boys, and boys.

I am ashamed to admit that.

And never ever did I think I would have to say that.

And now that we've broken up, Im crushed.

My heart aches when I see him, and especially when I see him with her. And when he smiles. I mean how can he be so happy when Im dying inside?!

This is my life, my internal battle.

This is why I wish I would have never made that wrong turn.

This pain, this hurt, this anger. All of that would have been gone if I would have listened, to everybody, to God, to myself..

But I didnt. I took impulsive chance. I made a snap decision. And that decision caused me my happiness.

Even in this trivial little highschool realtionship, it hurt me.

Because I wasnt enough.

So my prayer for myself.

That I look to delight in the Lord, that I find my happiness, my love, my passion in Him.

Not in some human boy.

Because if I look to be satisfied with a human, I will be dissappointed, always.

I want to be soo in love with God that I dont even notice boys.

And I want relief, from this pain, from this sickness.

I want God again.

I want to stop failing in life, to realize what is important.

"Your love is extravagant
Your friendship, it is intimate
I feel like moving to the rhythm of Your grace
Your fragrance is intoxicating in our secret place
Your love is extravagant

..No greater love have I ever known, you consider me your friend.

Capture my heart again.."

- Casting Crowns <3

(tryingtofind)Love&Rockets

            Aggie

Beautiful Chaos: Step One.

The first step to success: believing you can do it.

And believe me, I CAN DO IT.

Saturday I prayed, finally. And Sunday, I prayed again, with no avail.

On Sunday my busy life was just, busier, my craziness got crazier, the chaos got more, chaotic.

And I didnt know what to do.

I was tired, I was confused, I was angry, I was wandering aimlessly in my life.

I am still wandering but I wouldnt say aimlessly, because I am trying to find a way.

It is not easy, by any means. But its WAY easier than it was a week ago.

Care to know why?

Well, because Saturday my life was so crazy and so busy and I was sitting in the chair at the youth rally thinking about all the things that were coming up for me to do and I got extremely tired. Then I got angry. Then I cried.

Im a total Girl, I know.

I broke down, there is noo way on planet Earth I could ever do all of this stuff.

And on top of that I had many things to think about..

I had to decide if I was going to speak out and be a good friend

I had to decide if I was going to live a life holy and pleasing so I could make a difference in a girls life

I couldnt stop thinking about my mom

I couldnt stop thinking about Mike

I had to think about my grades and college (I know some of you are thinking "You're only a Junior!!" But everything I do now counts..)

I was thinking about my HUGE decision that has to be made by Christmas

I was thinking about whether or not I was going to give up Wednesday Nights and Sunday Nights to further my volleyball career

I was thinking about how much I want someone to come in and make all these decisions for me.

And then I hit a brick wall. hard.

I can't do it on my own. If I am going to do these things mentioned (and more that I care not to type.)

I need to trust in God, with everything because in the end (and I dont usually quote tools very often)

"ITS NOT ABOUT ME!!"

And somewhere, deep, deep, deep in my heart I know that.

And so step one to having beautiful chaos is...Trusting in God.

And so, I am on the road to recovery.

Feel free to join me.

Love&Rockets

Aggie

Thankfulness Countdown.

So if I have you guys on facebook you already know this but if not I'll tell you. For the 2 week countdown to Thanksgiving each of my statuses are somthing Im thankful for. Of course, I didnt think about this on my own, one of my friends on facebook has been doing it all of November.

I started yesterday. Then I thought, it would be really cool if I expanded on the things Im thankful for on my blog.So here I go..

            "Aggie Hays is thankful for the joy filled and encouraging people God has placed in my life.."

Some of these people are no longer around. Some have moved but I thank God everyday that I had the opportunity to see these people. They are the people who can look at my face, and see that I am not happy, no matter what I say. They are the people who without even knowing it but just by being them, they brighten my day. They are the people that pray for me. Which means more to me than anything they could say. They are the people who knew what was going on with my mom, or they didnt, but either way they offered their advice, their prayers, their FOOD, and most of all they offered up their shoulders for me and my family to lean on.

And they are the people who I can just sit down and pour my entire heart and soul out to, and all they do is listen. No advice, no wisdom, no stories, they just listen.

I spent last weekend with some very special women and we were asked what "joy" was to us, or how we were learning it, and the only answer I could think of was, these ladies. They define "joy" to me, they are all moms, and they all work, and somehow they all care about me, and are stilll happy, and that baffles me. So if you are one of those women or other people,

Thank You Dearly.

 I am eternally grateful for you.

       Love&Rockets

Aggie