Caring!

I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE I DO CARE!!!!

I  DO care, Don't I?

I can do all things. Nope, no I cant.

F.E.A.R.

The Biggest, Scariest, Four letter word ever.

This word stops ME from doing sooo much. But why?! Why is it that I cant get over this stupid, useless four letter word. I mean its not like the word is going to punish me if I do what I want.

SO WHY IS THIS HAPPENING???!!

I should be grown up enough to not let this four letter word stop me from living my life.

But, I'm not.

I can't.

I can't get over this. Fear is stopping me from loving the people that I want to love, doing the things I want to do and saying the things that I want to say.

F.E.A.R. is not my friend.

So, Fear, I hate you.

Love&Rockets

Aggie

Daily Devotions, Coffee, and Dissappointment.

Today is the Day I've been waiting for since Chad and Rachel took over the Youth Group.

It's the day we got our Engage book, which is our new daily devotion book. Im super pumped about this because now I have something solid to follow thats not in Psalms. I am also excited about this because I do not have to rely on somebody. I can do this by myself!!! I dont have to have somebody teach me, I dont have to do this with other people, I can be by myself, with my White Lightening (eek!! :D) doing my devos. No distractions, no people asking me questions, nobody talking, and best of all..the people involved (me&God&Bigby) are taking it seriously!!

So needless to say, this is going to be my afternoon today. and my morning for the next 90 days :)

Love&Rockets

Aggie

The best is yet to come..

The feelings of the past blog have not gone away but things are looking up.

It still hurts. Im still sad but 2 days later and things arent so bad.

I know Im not happy and maybe Im missing out on what really makes me happy but right now I guess I have to find something new that makes me feel amamzing, that makes me feel like I belong because I obviously dont have that at the moment,

But I will.

I promise.

Im not one to give up on things but sometimes its not giving up its just needing a change of scenary. Thats what I need. 

So maybe I will go back to how I was, happy with those same people, doing the same things.

Or maybe I'll change my scene completly, friends Ive never really hung out with before, places Ive never been, new activities.

But my life from now on is going to be lived with no regrets.

Im going to try and not think about the future, or worry about the past but just to live every moment like it was my last.

Love&Rockets

Aggie

"If perfects what youre looking for then just stay the same."

I cant do this anymore.

Nothing, and I mean nothing goes right for me.

Im messing everything up.

And it seems like everybody else has better ideas of how I should be.

Like they could make a dream Aggie.

And that girls is nothing like me.

I dont do things right, I make mistakes, My hairs not perfect, I could be taller, I could be faster, I could be smarter, I could be happier, I could be more respectful, I could be silent, I could be less opinionated, I could be more ambitious, I could be more out going, I could be more of a good little Christian girl,I could know more about my future, I could care less about the future, I could be less of a rule breaker.

But guess what?!

IM NOT!

I cant please everybody but nobodys pleased at all right now.

Not even me.

Im not happy. This is not how my life should be. I shouldn't be fretting over what others want from me, I should make my own decisions and stick to my rules and my standards and my morals.

But I'm so confused about what exactly they are that I cant even stick to them.

You know that saying "Be true to yourself"?

What deos that mean? Someone, please enlighten me.

Because I have no idea who I am, or what I want to be really.

There are sooo many people that I want to be true to, that I want to please, that I want to like me.

I just cant do it. I can't make myself happy without pleaing or dissappointing others.

Now my test is to determine who exactly those people are.

And maybe, just maybe, I'll be happy with myself somehow, sometime.

But that is not going to happen anytime soon.

Love&Rockets

Aggie

I am not myself.

Lately I have not been feeling on my A game. Not physically, but emotionally. I feel as though I keep letting people down and I cant stop. I have this overwhelming negative attitude. I cant stay postivie for very long. I feel very much depressed all the time. My life is not what it used to be. I am constently fighting with my parents or someone else. And it seems as though my friends (even my youth group friends) dont care anymore. I know theyve got their own lives and problems but Ive always listened to theirs cant they listen to mine too. Im important too,right?! And I dont want to hear "You're important to God." Because I know that. But I want to be important to people, I need people to care to. But they just dont.

Not so Love&Rockets

Aggie.

North Carolina.(DISCLAIMER: theis is a JOKE!!)

Its decided. I am going to UNC for college, well its not completly official because I havent been accepted just yet but when I set a goal, I make it.

Butt Im going to have ea sort of tag along with me.

His name is Gabe.

And he is going to live in my apartment with me, and he is going to be my 24 hour security.

Actually he's just going to mooch off of me.

But don't worry its not like we'll ever see each other because I'll be at school or studying or working or doing homework and He'll be out partying.

So how is He going to be my protection if he's not around?

Well, He says that he will make it be known that we are living together and that people should not mess with me.

Hahaha what an awesome future, huh?!

 Love&Rockets

Aggie