I cant do this anymore.
Nothing, and I mean nothing goes right for me.
Im messing everything up.
And it seems like everybody else has better ideas of how I should be.
Like they could make a dream Aggie.
And that girls is nothing like me.
I dont do things right, I make mistakes, My hairs not perfect, I could be taller, I could be faster, I could be smarter, I could be happier, I could be more respectful, I could be silent, I could be less opinionated, I could be more ambitious, I could be more out going, I could be more of a good little Christian girl,I could know more about my future, I could care less about the future, I could be less of a rule breaker.
But guess what?!
IM NOT!
I cant please everybody but nobodys pleased at all right now.
Not even me.
Im not happy. This is not how my life should be. I shouldn't be fretting over what others want from me, I should make my own decisions and stick to my rules and my standards and my morals.
But I'm so confused about what exactly they are that I cant even stick to them.
You know that saying "Be true to yourself"?
What deos that mean? Someone, please enlighten me.
Because I have no idea who I am, or what I want to be really.
There are sooo many people that I want to be true to, that I want to please, that I want to like me.
I just cant do it. I can't make myself happy without pleaing or dissappointing others.
Now my test is to determine who exactly those people are.
And maybe, just maybe, I'll be happy with myself somehow, sometime.
But that is not going to happen anytime soon.
Love&Rockets
Aggie
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