The only way I find fitting to describe this summer is a hurricane. A storm so violent that you can do nothing but watch it happen, and hide from its aftermath.
So many times I wanted to run away and hide from this summer. From the change, from the uncertainty, from the hurt, from the challenge.
I feel like alot of things happened but I can hardly remember any of them because they happened so fast.
But the end of this summer brings about a rainbow, September 8th at 1:30pm, I will no longer be living where I have been for the past 28 years. I will be on my way to Atlanta Georgia where I will stay for 3 days as part of a trainging program for the GAP Year.
After those 3 days, I will board a plane to my final destination, San Jose Costa Rica.
Can you believe it?!
Me, the girl who is so afraid of change she's bought the same ceral since she was 5 years old and cant get rid of old things for fear of the new. Yes, me. I will be living and learning, along with 23 other people in a brand new culture.
And I'm not even afraid.
Sometimes I have momentary freakouts, but I keep being rerouted to verses in the bible, or songs, or people. All of these things reassuring me that this is where God has placed me and He will make this whole thing work. The time I spend away from here is a learning experience for me. Learning how to fully, completly, entirely rely on God. Something I get out of the habit of doing here in Cozytown MI. -I'm mostly excited. I'm excited because I have no idea what I want to do with my life, at all. And I haven't really been leaning on the Lord to help me make that decision so I know that if I went away to college this year I would be completly wrong. And because if I don't get out of my comfort zone now, I never will.
This experience is something I never in a million years would have expected to do, but here I am, 15 days from take-off.
And I think of the combination of things that has happened to our family, my friends, myself over this summer and sometimes I think, "why God? Why would you work this out like this. you know I'm leaving and I'm leaving for you, so why are you hurting them so?!"
And then I remember that God doesnt take orders from me. It doesnt matter wether I understand the purpose. What matters is that I trust Him. That I love Him. That I live a life that reflects that, even when its not easy.
And then everything is okay again.
Sometimes, I wish the picture were clearer. But then I see the shades and I am reminded that there is a picture there, no matter how hard it is for me to see and that if I just wait, wait a little longer, the picture will get clearer and clearer. And it might not make sense but the picture is already drawn. I just have to color with the crayons He gives me.
-Aggie.
